For once I need to mourn for those words who died |

For once I need to mourn for those words who died an unnatural death at my tongue tip before my lips even parted Dear Diary, I haven't written to you in a long time. Missed me? Not much! Huh! So you would think why all of a sudden I came here. But Is there actually a place where I can go & feel safe? Okay! Let's just skip this question(without pushing the rock button), it's a bit tricky. Actually I'm thinking of some good vocabulary to express why I'm here. And irony is I'm finding none. Why? Am I overwhelmed for feeling everything at a same time or nothing at all? Maybe I will go with the later. Nothingness is digging holes in the inner most layer of my skin like some undiagnosed, unheard disease. It's consuming my entire being up with its ravenous claws. For once in a lifetime I don't want to be this empty. For once I need to mourn for those words who died an unnatural death at my tongue tip before my lips even parted. See even I'm using adjectives to compliment the marks of void still imprinted in the spaces between my bones and soul. At first I thought of writing a love letter and then ended up here blabbering. In February also I'm unable to write love. You know it's FEBRUARY in all caps and bold shows how much I adore this month (with heart in eyes emoji). Now I know you're gonna roll your eyes. And you'd say to try a different genre. But I did pen down all my controversial, not so highly appreciated views in a notebook and threw it away. I couldn't indulge much of me in a verbal spat where I'm never gonna win or lose. So what's the point? I did read books past these months. In a hope of finding some of my lost words in someone else's story. Then maybe once in a blue moon I will spill that poem, always dreamt of writing but never did as I grew up and eventually life happened. I thought of writing using some black theme. But the thing is I never really liked black, it's so plain and simple. May be that's where I lacked, never got satisfied. What do you think? Should I grow more appetite for simplest of things? Is that maturity? Okay! Let's skip this one too. Later we will touch these not so random questions. By the way this year also I broke my resolution. As usual. Right? Still I'm here. Writing to you. It's like the feeling of home rushing through me. And just now I remembered some line of one of my favourite novel "when you loved someone, you let them fly away, even if you were not on the same flight". I don't know for whom I'm screaming these lines in my mind just thought to let you know. So it became a long paragraph of barely spoken words. Let it be. May be will come next time with some exciting stuff. ______________________________________________

For once I need to mourn for those words who died

Lipsa..👰