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Numbness, and my Oceanic refuge //caption// "i ca

Numbness, and my Oceanic refuge //caption// "i can't stand this." i rushed to the sea. i cycled so hard my legs started to cramp, and my wrists ached ruthlessly. i want to fall, i want to fall. i came to the ocean, breaths difficult and heavy. i want to fall hard. i threw my cycle aside and threw myself on the sand, gasping and panting, a stitch below my right rib. one strength of mine is that i heal as quick as i break. coming to my senses, i decided to wade into the water, one step at a time. i slowly allowed me in, aching with joy, but there's still this twinge in me after the day's events. forget it, forget it, i mumble. a heaviness takes over me, and i tremble. forget it, forget it, i chant. i realize i've been standing over a broken conch, and making blood angels in water, and i'm shocked to see i can't feel the half conch in my foot, i can't feel it. it pains. i don't care. i want to fall and drown. i submerge to the neck level. up again. down, down, down, eyes shut. gasp. up again. i look around me. the sky; i hate this city. the sky is always metal cold. i remember the blue skies above my childhood home. the sky here doesn't qualify for nostalgia, and i don't even feel bad for it. i don't care. i want to cry. i want to fall. i want to drown. blood is still leaking into the water from my hurt foot, where the conch is still stuck, and the salt in the seawater burns my wound. i wince. "It hurts, it hurts" i tell the ocean. the waves nod in agreement. i look around to see if there are people watching me.
Numbness, and my Oceanic refuge //caption// "i can't stand this." i rushed to the sea. i cycled so hard my legs started to cramp, and my wrists ached ruthlessly. i want to fall, i want to fall. i came to the ocean, breaths difficult and heavy. i want to fall hard. i threw my cycle aside and threw myself on the sand, gasping and panting, a stitch below my right rib. one strength of mine is that i heal as quick as i break. coming to my senses, i decided to wade into the water, one step at a time. i slowly allowed me in, aching with joy, but there's still this twinge in me after the day's events. forget it, forget it, i mumble. a heaviness takes over me, and i tremble. forget it, forget it, i chant. i realize i've been standing over a broken conch, and making blood angels in water, and i'm shocked to see i can't feel the half conch in my foot, i can't feel it. it pains. i don't care. i want to fall and drown. i submerge to the neck level. up again. down, down, down, eyes shut. gasp. up again. i look around me. the sky; i hate this city. the sky is always metal cold. i remember the blue skies above my childhood home. the sky here doesn't qualify for nostalgia, and i don't even feel bad for it. i don't care. i want to cry. i want to fall. i want to drown. blood is still leaking into the water from my hurt foot, where the conch is still stuck, and the salt in the seawater burns my wound. i wince. "It hurts, it hurts" i tell the ocean. the waves nod in agreement. i look around to see if there are people watching me.
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Ramona Singh

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